Thursday 27 September 2012

Young man, stop slouching.

My previous two blog’s have hopefully portrayed me as someone having patience and respect for the ‘youth of today’. Give them every chance I say, nurture, develop and lead them towards a life of happiness and success. Guide them through hard work and promote being able to live alongside their fellow humans by having respect for others around them. You reap what you sew. But, this blog may make me look a little bit hypocritical as I am about to don my grumpy old woman with nothing-better-to-do-than-whinge head. I believe with good reason though.

I have some advice for parents, no-one I know, but then none of my friends have rude children who don’t know how to conduct themselves correctly in a public place. Here we go and if you are offended then please accept my apologies but congratulations for being able to read- your children probably can’t.

Educate your child on supermarket etiquette, simple mannerisms that are damn right wrong and what is quite simply unacceptable. Teach your child not to flatulate in the bread aisle in Tesco’s- it’s vulgar, extremely rude and it’s usually the same uncouth youngster ten minutes later at the patisserie counter with his hand down the front of his trousers playing with his adolescent, yet-to-develop-fully testicles. There doesn’t need to be a sign displayed informing customers to ensure that they are fully clothed when shopping- people should just know this. Just because the sun is breaking through the clouds it doesn’t make it acceptable to go shopping for your cider in a supermarket with no shirt on as it’s unlikely that you will get a suntan indoors and even less likely that people will ‘check you out’ and think ‘oh he’s well fit innit’. It is more likely that when you are farting and fondling down the front of your trousers topless, people will think, ‘what a tit!’ and may even shake their head in shame and think that the youth of today has gone to the dogs. I would suggest that a code of shopping etiquette is installed in our children as we have evolved quite well over the past 200,000 years from Neanderthal - people who were less educated with less luxuries and access to what is acceptable yet would probably have a more successful, less offensive shopping excursion than ‘Dazza’ (born in 1996). It quite frequently seems that when I go shopping to my local civilised supermarket it’s like a surreal dream that I’m an extra in a scene from the Chatsworth Estate or California Man?

Teach your child that they don’t need to spit in-between each out of context expletive as they walk down the street past a primary school or church. Saliva is quite important, it keeps your mouth clean and aids in the digestion of your food, don’t take it for granted, plus it’s disgusting to see a pavement decorated with it.

Now, everyone swears, even saint’s let slip the occasional ‘buggery bollocks’, which I presume means ‘shit’ to the rest of us, but continual out of context swearing that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and is used just because someone has run out of suitable adjectives/nouns/verbs makes you sound a little bit stupid. I definitely agree there is some truth in the saying that suggests swearing is used by people who have a limited knowledge of vocabulary and that it seems that if people cant think of a suitable word they simply replace it with a swear word. In all fairness some of their chosen expletives have more syllables than the rest of their sentence so well done on that achievement.

Ok, last gripe. It irritates me beyond explanation when ‘Dazza’ accidentally takes his Saxo/Corsa/other small-engined vehicle and mistakes it for a McClaren F1 and then confuses a cul-de-sac for a Formula 1 race track. It doesn’t matter how many go-faster stripes you plaster on it, it’ll forever remain a Saxo/Corsa/other small engined vehicle- just with lots of stupid stickers on it. Please teach your child that this kind of reckless behaviour is grossly unacceptable, stupid and very dangerous to the rest of us who know that it is just a cul-de-sac.

So YOT, pull up your trousers so I’m not forced to look at your underwear, comb your hair and wash your mouth out. Learn something beneficial to society, you are the future role models- embrace this responsibility. I don’t mean that we should all be the same robotic types so be creative, individuality is great so don’t be afraid to be a salmon - swim upstream against the current. You don’t need to put a massive spoiler on your Punto to be cool, get a Reliant Robin instead. Now that is cool.

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